When entering a romantic relationship, disagreements and arguments are practically guaranteed to happen. According to these couples who have been married for over 50 years, what you say to resolve these issues may not be as important as when you say it.
If you’re looking to reduce the fighting in your relationship and get back to enjoying each other, take a look at these top three tips by relationship ‘experts‘.
3. Take a break.
When there’s a problem or disagreement with a loved one, our first instinct and desire is to ‘fix’ things, however dealing with the situation when everyone’s emotions are so high can exacerbate the situation.
However, this doesn’t mean to take a break and pretend everything is better after you’ve cooled off. You still need to have the conversation, and hash out the issues if you want to move past whatever problem you and your partner are having.
Jack, age 70, explains that over the years he became aware that his anger levels usually escalated the situation if he didn’t take some time to step back and calm down.
“I’ve got a terrible temper. And I’ve learned that I need to keep my mouth shut. Because when I get mad, I say things that hurt people’s feelings. So I just go outside and start piddling around in the garage and mess around with my lawn mower or some of my tools and stuff and let everything cool down. Then I come back and try and discuss it, when nobody’s mad anymore. Walk off and cool down and then try and discuss it later. That’s my advice.”
2. Timing is everything.
When we get into a fight or disagreement, we often feel that the matter should be resolved immediately, however, it might not be the right time to have that kind of conversation with your partner depending on their mood, energy level, and level of distraction.
Once Leona, age 67, discovered she and her husband were picking the wrong time to have these touchy conversations, they no longer had as many arguments.
Leona explained “I am an evening person. He is a morning person. So we asked ourselves, ‘What time of day is a good time for us to have a disagreement about something that we need to discuss?'”
They decided the best time to talk things through was after work, before it got too late and they got too tired.
Take notice of your partner’s energy, emotion, and distraction patterns, and decide on a time that works for you both to have any potentially contentious conversations.
1. Never fight on an empty stomach.
As unusual as this tip is, it’s actually pretty genius. Many of the long-term married couples advised taking a break to have a snack or offering your partner something to eat before talking. In their experience, arguments often got out of hand when someone was hungry.
Gloria, age 73, explained:”My son and his wife’s first year of marriage was very difficult. But they learned a lot of interesting things along the way. For instance, whenever they start to fight, my daughter-in-law will make my son a sandwich. Nothing pleases him more. He had to say that to her. “I need a sandwich when I’m really tired because it’s that I act like this when I’m hungry.” And when she gets out of control, he has to offer her a cup of tea. Whenever they’re with us, if I hear her offering him a sandwich or him offering her a cup of tea, I know that’s their code for each other to say I need some help from you.”
What advice would you give to have a strong relationship? Let us know in the comments below.
[Featured image credit: www.playbuzz.com]